Hamptons Man: The Blog

By a Swanky Pool, The Man Takes Shape

Construction began on the great Hamptons Man today by the pool of master designer Drew Davis, who supervised the man’s design and building. Major elements of the man----bamboo legs and arms, a faux Asian tray that serves as its head, straw stuffing came from Pier 1 imports. Said Davis, “We’re, like, major consumers. So doing things from scratch seemed just too Berkeley for us. That’s why I’m proud we went to a big chain store to get our supplies.” Lashing arms to body is an old multi-colored power cord form a vintage G3 iMac. The Annoying Green Jacket and shirt reflected gloriously in the sun as they were added. Neighbors were confused.” Is it fashion or a scarecrow?” one asked. His daughter answered for him, “Dad, it’s a fashion scarecrow. It reminds us never to dress like that.” Such is the suggestive power of The Hamptons Man.

Organization and Design

People ask, “How is Hamptons Man organized? Who does all that work?” Unlike other late summer festivals, no one has time to form tribes or spend months organizing a camp. No, Hamptons man relies on the one organizing principal indigenous to the Hamptons, the Summer Share. Shares come in all shapes and sizes, from responsible pristine houses populated by proper women with proper jobs, to those that house 98 or so folks throughout the summer (ok, no more than 27 in one weekend, but still…) that are 24/7 party central.

For Hamptons Man, each house has assigned responsibilities. Ed’s house throws lots of parties; he’s in charge of brining booze. Actually, he’s calling every other house and explaining, “This event is like a colonic --- a cleanse for your house. Bring all your left over booze to the beach, we’ll drink it, and you won’t have to deal with it after your share ends Monday.

Kevin’s house has a couple of pickup trucks, so he’s in charge of hauling.

Drew’s an architect, so she’s in charge of design of the Man. Here she’s at the pool drafting. The detail shows instructions for Kevin who, with pickup truck, is supposed to get wood and cut it tomorrow.

As Drew sits in the late afternoon light drinking Jack Daniels, the sun slips behind the partly constructed Hamptons man just a few feet in front of her. She exclaims, “The man is getting in the way of the sun! Is it affecting my tan line?” Such are the concerns at Hamptons man.

Icons of the Montauk Highway

We drove to Hamptons Man today on Route 27, The Montauk Highway. This road is famous for its motor homes, Native American influences, and Jitney riders asking, “are we there yet?” Just 6 miles west of Hampons Man be sure to check out the motor home/trailer/cigarette store/trading post. We got all our cigarettes and soda at this store (or motor home, or whatever) which devotes more square footage to advertising cigarette prices than to actual cigarettes. Just a few hundred feet down the road is the Shinnecock Indian trading post. Here you can stock up on native Hampton moccasins, turquoise beaded belts, and featherhead dresses. We’re not certain, but we suspect that since the Hamptons is so fashion forward this just may be the place to get tomorrows crazy club wear today.

Blazer on the move; will burn for fashion's future.

On Saturday the annoying green blazer which adorns Hamptons Man will burst into flame. But today the garment began its journy from Manhattan, though Queens, past Old Westbury, and down route 27 on its way to the beach. The blazer was greeted by traffic on the LIE and heavily armed police at the Midtown tunnel.

On West Broadway in New York's the fashionable Soho district the garmen twas met with confusion and consternation by local hip (or gentrified hip) citizens and shop keepers who asked, "This is Fashion?"

It is precisely because it isn't fashionable, or won't be when the fall season arrives that it must burn---to the enthuiasm and excitement of those who will attend Hamptons Man.