The Walk of Shame

There is a certain moment after a long night of drinking or an unexpected romantic encounter where you may find yourself in the glaring morning light wearing what you wore the night before trying to slink home unnoticed. The point of the walk of shame is to embarrass you in front of either loved ones or strangers into better behavior. If you happened to have been out in a pair of jeans and a T-Shirt you may escape judgment, but there are numerous more noticeable infractions.

Panties in the pocket. This moment is compounded if you must remove them to get to your coffee money.

No one comes to breakfast in a toga twice.

Nothing says wedding slut like walking by the brunch in the taffeta nightmare you wore the night before.

Anything with a jello shot stain on it is impossible to explain the next morning short of an alien nose bleed.

Halloween costumes including French maids, cowboys, or barn yard animals which looked so cute become a liability on November 1st.

You may try to escape the walk of shame by borrowing clothes from your sleepover date, but inevitably his shoes won’t fit and you’ll still be in sweats and stilettos.

Men can find themselves in trouble, although a man at 7 am in a tuxedo with a slight 5 o’clock shadow and an untied black tie is still kind of sexy, like something out of a cologne ad.

Proper cover ups are essential. A trench coat can salvage almost any situation. In college I took home a med student at a fraternity boxer rebellion party. He’d come from downtown in a car with his buddies but found the boxer shorts, flip flops, and jean jacket, was going to seem inadequate on public transportation back the next day.

If you’ve never found yourself in any of these situations, either you are a very principled person or buy all your clothes at Brooks Brothers.

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